Because

I abhor ellipses. Finish your thought. The end. Hedging is becoming exhausting. My patience is thread bare. I want reasons out of people. I want the whys and I want resolution. I want out of this nebulous ellipsis of an existence and into something with teeth, backbone, common sense and yes, compassion. I'm always surprised at people who don't tell the truth out of fear of being hurtful. The truth comes out irregardless. It's the band aid vs water torture. Let it be over and let's move on.

Meltdown

Letting go of things out of my control... Such as other people's thoughts and behaviors is my big goal right now. This morning however was a rough one. Today was earmarked for grad work after a week of leaving school between 9 and 10 pm every night and hostessing a family party last night.
The meltdown came from trying to open a door and realizing that a storm window was stuck when someone was told not to touch it. I've never been able to open this window myself. This was why company was told not to touch it and after two bloody thumbs and fifteen minutes of what could only be called a grandmal tantrum complete with phone calls to the one person who knows how to fix it and the one who screwed it up, I feel both ridiculous and helpless. My day feels shot because I wonder how on earth I can finish the PhD if I can't even open an effing window. I have to remember, it's like peanut butter and tuna fish or apples and oranges if you lack imagination. I can't do anything about the window. I said my peace- someone will be over to fix it this afternoon and if I decide to still be pissed, I'll say it again. I can make headway on the grad work and that's what I need to focus on now- perhaps through a walk since that storm window isn't letting any air in :p