23 weeks of grace: shhh.

I'm working on my level of comfort with things that I've told myself I would do this week (read: fears).

There are so many bogus and bs things that I absorbed and perpetuated for far too long. Feeling wrapped up into a tiny package and shooed away and needing to be bigger, louder, and heard. Losing my own desires and my own compass in all the racket. Quieting down and tuning into the voice that I most need to be listening to.

Working on edits... Practicing Bellyfit... Tracking every bite and every penny... One foot in front of the other.

La biblioteca... Una pagina

I'm in the library right now. The president's reading room, my usual spot on campus to do work.

The good: I just had a past student visit me. Catching up with the dolls is always delightful. My grad school sounding board was also available for a chat an really supportive/ reassuring about the meeting I just had and what I need to do.

The meh: presentation didn't go nearly as well as I wanted it to. I have edits to do- some of which I mentioned needing to take care of months ago and was told not to bother with them. I wanted to be further along... But I'm taking a deep breath and doing what I need to.

One page at a time. Line by line. Moving forward.

24 weeks of grace: just breathe & keep swimming

Fingers, toes and anything else imaginable are all crossed right now. Oxford commas are eluding me... So is focus this afternoon. It's been a great weekend: productive plus chill time. I'm thrilled with what I've gotten done around the house this week. Baby steps are definitely working for me.

Tomorrow is the defense & I'm trying to visualize everything I need to take care of for it. I'm not nervous-nervous. I'm just ready to go in, do what I have to and move forward. I'm looking forward to getting input on questions that I have on methodology that have come up in the past two weeks. One of my friends sent me edits. I'm looking at them after a little garden therapy. My dress for tomorrow is out. I'm ready to roll.

I'm also ready to call the hairdresser. My haircut is a style-ish amalgamation and I know what I want changed on it now. Yay.

Other than grad school and work, this week is practicing bf, heading to a lecture weds night, choosing a furnace and getting back to pumpkin clause with everything else I have going on.

Breathing. I've got this.

Week 25: baby steps

I'm super tired this evening. I've been spending these last two weeks sowing and tending the metaphorical garden. 

My proposal hearing (defense) is on Monday. I've spent hours since last Friday putting together my presentation and fencing with the what ifs.

I have until January to finish my BellyFit Practicum and have a regular class set up. I've spent the week looking at pieces of a class and memorizing them bit by bit.

I've been cleaning up and out the casa.

I've been making changes in lots of different areas of my life- it's scary, but bit by bit I'm moving towards what I want. Knowing that I actually want some things is pretty big for me.

Moving forward.

Moving on.

Yes

I just received the email from IRB saying that the final stamp of approval is going on my consent forms and they will be sent out tomorrow. This is big.

They had sent me a clarification question on one section of my protocol last weekend. I clarified and then they needed two lines changed on two forms. We had a volley of emails... And now, it's done.

Handed in the final pre-hearing draft of my proposal. Was told that I would have some edits following the meeting... That there are a few things we'll have to hash out face to face, but we're moving forward.

So excited.

26 weeks of grace: the baby & the bath water

I sent in the last or second to last set of edits Friday night and explained something IRB needed clarified yesterday morning... That of course led into two days of complete panic. I nearly hyperventilated think about probable data analysis issues on my drive today.

This is not fun.

There are far too many not fun things going on in my life right now and I realized something about the not fun that I can own. I live in disposable relationships that I can be pretty careless with. I need to start reading the labels for use and care... And maybe be a little more cautious with using and tossing because it's getting pretty old.

That's this week's goal- paying attention.