It's after nine here and I'm sitting comfortably in my back yard in a long sleeved shirt and my fave shorts... Loving the fact they require a belt now, but I digress.
I'm happy right now. Not an anxious, bubbly happy, not an adrenal pumping if he doesn't kiss me I'll die happy, but a "well done" sort of happy.
I feel as though I did everything I needed to this weekend and I did it right. I reclaimed some things that needed attention (the shed, the weeding, the floors and some car work) and relinquished some of the things that I gracefully needed to let go of. I did it quietly without raising an eyebrow and I'm realizing two things: the most poignantly perfect things in life whisper and people have one decision they should make every morning. The brilliant decision is, am I going to happen to life or am I going to let it happen to me. The quote isn't mine, but I think this is the basis of what any life coach or motivational speaker would tell anyone struggling,
This is pertinent to everything in my life right now, but resonates best in a couple of important things. 1, one of my coworkers was diagnosed with ALS in October. Those of you who know anything about ALS know that it's a death sentence. Instead of wallowing, his friends, family and colleagues rallied around him... And raised over 21000 that will remain locally. Over 400 of us showed up at the ALS walk yesterday for him. It was stunning... That's what community is and I'm proud to be a part of it. It's ironic how all of these years I've been scrambling to get out of this town, thinking this was all beneath me, and feeding the story of how I'm here because of my own screw ups. I'm so grateful that I'm here. I'm grateful for every person I've met on this less than perfect road and every gift that the obstacles in my life have proven to be.
2, much less earth shaking, but so important for my life: I get overwhelmed and I solved something difficult today. When I see a mess, I think "how the hell did this happen," "why bother, it's just going to get wrecked again" or "how am I ever going to do this by myself." Sometimes I reach out- it's a 50/50 shot over whether or not it helps. Sometimes I procrastinate- normally not wasting time on the internet, but we all have our foibles. Today, I just decided I was going to do something. I didn't look for clues, I just jumped in and they popped out at me. I resolved something that's been eluding me for three years in a matter of thirty minutes. I think the two biggest issues were that it wasn't technically my mess to begin with and that I have this nasty habit of waiting for the stars to guide me when there's a perfectly good flashlight beside me. It isn't completely done, but it's finally serving its proper purpose and I'm proud of myself. It isn't a matter of celestial importance... it's just something that makes my home My home.
Call it not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. Call it selfish and silly of me to spend a perfectly good blog on it and chide yourself for wasting time reading this. Or do something that's important to you or something simple that would make your life better and then, pull a chair into the back yard with a cup of tea and enjoy the weather, starless or not.
It's peaceful, it's now and that's all that matters.
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