I'm an archivist of relics of good times. Cards, bottles, drawings, walls of lovers, event bracelets, legally and not so legally gotten glassware- these are random artifacts that I keep in spots more treasured than the deed to my house. Some stuff, I feel no loyalty to once whatever hormones or emotions that tethered me to their co-conspirator have vanished.
That said...
You know how after it's over, after the ice cream and tissues and vetching with your favorites is done... After you get used to the fact that he isn't texting and that if you didn't have a severe dislike of cats you could very well become a cat lady... And then you see them: the little cutesy reminders. The ghosts of dates past.
Date location: Oswego.
Items up for bid: two lovely pink striated rocks.
Recommended uses:
1. Gonads- incase you can't find your own, this delightful pair of rocks can fit the bill, helping you plan dates, feel comfortable enough to communicate or perhaps hang in there (pun intended) while the person you're seeing is in the middle of a week of disasters.
2. Small planets- ever wanted to be the center of your own universe? Now you actually can be. (Gravitational pull to keep rocks in orbit not included).
3. @nal beads- for when that stick falls out and you decide to start enjoying yourself. (Lubrication not included- not responsible for any personal harm inflicted by user not googling the appropriateness of sticking rocks in his/her orafices).
4. Starter kit for a meditation/ rock garden. Om your way to a zenny place.
5. A clue (or two)- some people may think if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Those people have never met a f#cking swan.
Date location: the big pineapple (aka. H-town)
Item up for bid: cork from a bottle of DMB wine. Quote from The Dreaming Tree inscribed on the side.
Recommended uses:
1. Putting a cork in it. If you really are that full of sh#t- do the world a favor and let this vintage of verbal incontinence age well with this fabulous stopper.
2. Crafty holiday decor... If you like making random sh#t, let the creativity flow. (Other festive parts not included- buy your own damn glitter).
3. You still haven't gotten over your college infatuation with DMB. (You know I'm looking at YOU).
4. Reenacting the Spanish Armada with your collection of rubber duckies. Easily dressed up as Lord Howard of Effingham with pipe cleaner and a sharpie.
The bidding will start at postage + one hilarious relationship story... Additional uses for items shown welcome.
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