in the wake

The high of handing it in was promptly squashed. It was a pretty rapid and serious come down- one of my committee couldn't open anything and I had to frantically put something else important on hold to take care of it. That mini panic attack spent the week percolating with questions starting with the clause: "Why didn't I..." swelling into the grand mal panic attack that erupted today.

I had someone point out to me that I don't seem happy.
I'm not.
Happiness is a habit of mind and I haven't figured out how to convince myself that I can accomplish all of the crazy things I've set out to do and that I can enjoy the hell out of most of the process.

Em getting ready to be T-I- Double Ga- Er

I see a face like this and all is right in the world.
It's remembering not to reach. Just to stay.

My to do list has shifted: all hands are on deck for a project proposal/ redo of IRB forms for that pilot that I originally thought I would have time for. Meeting with both advisors (a first!) on November 2nd and an abstract due to a cool sounding conference in Turkey.

Sign me up!